Saturday, January 20, 2007


Bm7 A G
Oh God oh God,
Bm7 A G
In a room filled with others, standing next to me

Bm7 A G
Oh God oh God,

Bm7 A G
some familiar others distant to the likings of me

But what hurts the most is standing in a known
crowd but not being noticed
It just breaks my heart
to be right there

but at the same time others are unaware

I show my face, but nobody sees me
I am erased by others close to my heart

Ideas: stepping in stepping out, like the tide, and noby stops
and sees the beauty that it is.

Ideas for this song came from a friend of mine while we
were hanging out.


out of place in a unfamiliar space with others
as comfortable as their home.

I tried to fit in but something just didn't
let me in, never settled as I go.

My heart tells me this,
this is nothing to miss,
emptiness, many cannot see.

to be continued....

Thursday, November 30, 2006

see me

Dirty and unclean
Jesus please wash me
from all wrong that I do

Free once again
I know that you can
I want to serve you

This world all it offers
me is selfishness and misery
I don't know why
I keep running to

A life that is very hard
without you I can't go
on living the way
I want to

Here I am,
Here I am
tear me apart

On the knees I am
On the knees I am
I hope that your listenin

Friday, October 20, 2006

I thought this was interesting

The Danger of Postmodernism
Making the Gospel about Us

by Esther Jing-Hua Wu

In an attempt to be culturally relevant and seeker friendly, the youth ministry team asked our youth worship band to play songs from Lifehouse, Linkin Park, Creed, and other popular bands. We thought we were being delightfully postmodern and experiential, not to mention, cool. "What a great way to spread the gospel!" we thought. "Use songs that are popular with teens, whose lyrics allude to a spiritual theme to draw them into worship—perfect." We were convinced that our kids would experience God more powerfully in this new, nontraditional worship environment.

It turns out that our students dreaded singing these songs. They complained that the songs weren't worshipful and insisted that they couldn't connect with God through them.

When I asked the youth band to go back to the contemporary praise and worship choruses typical of the adult service, the transformation amazed me. The songs that proclaimed God's holiness and character where the ones that drew our kids into the presence of the holy. What is it about repeatedly singing "You are holy" that draws a postmodern teen into the presence of Christ?

Our students are hungry for spiritual food that will satisfy. They're hungry for what's real in Jesus Christ. The danger of postmodern Christianity is that we become so focused on making God culturally relevant, hip, cool, and fun, that we run the risk of making the gospel about us—our experiences, our relationships, our needs, our worship preferences, our lives. When this happens we lose our awe of God's holiness. If we spend so much time relating to God as personal friend, we lose sight of the holiness of the God who inspires fear, wonder, worship, and beauty all at once. When that happens, our proclamation of the gospel tips dangerously towards self-centeredness and our experience of God; and the way we want to connect with the holy becomes more important than God himself.

The postmodern emphasis on experience, presentation, and narrative has enhanced our faith richly in many ways. However, experience and narrative are by no means the beginning or ending points of our faith in Christ. God's holiness is. Of course, we'll experience God in tangible ways that shape our lives and increase our Christ-likeness tremendously, but our experience is ultimately not the anchor of our faith.

We can never create an experience of God's holiness, because that's something that comes from revelation. God alone makes this revelation possible. How can we pursue God's holiness practically? Today's church should bolster her understanding of God's holiness. We're in danger of making the experience, new language, multimedia presentations, or liturgy the centerpiece of our faith. And the result is an experience-based faith instead of one that is holiness-based. Ultimately, this kind of faith will crumble. Our calling as followers of Jesus is to ground our faith in his God-ness, which rests outside our experience. In terms of youth ministry, we should be careful not to overemphasize the experience of church to our students, while inadvertently de-emphasizing God's holiness.


Esther Jing-Hua Wu is the youth pastor at Vineyard Christian Fellowship of the Peninsula in Palo Alto, Calif.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Sick and Behind

There is nothing worse than being sick and getting behind. I had the privelage of getting the stomach flu and having to miss three days of life!!! Whenever I get sick I always think "why do we get sick!!??" It is never fun to be sick. I think something can be learned from being down and out though. I am learning that I need to run to him no matter how bad I feel. Over the course of my life I have fallen in the habit of watching a rediculous amount of t.v. when I am not feeling good. And every single stinking time I think I feel worse when I do. After a couple of days of being bored out of my mind I decided to turn the dirty thing off. Finally, I was able to rest and actually slept better. Go figure. But really though, God wants us no matter how we are feeling. I can respect that. :)

thank you Lord for your healing.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Ok, so since the last post I have been able to do some surrendering. God is so patient and merciful. Not that he needs to be reminded, its me that needs to be reminded to run to him more. This weekend and the start of this week I am surrendering the ever so struggle of school and the questions of my future. The things that I am hearing from God is to follow what I have a passion for and trust that God will take care of me in regards to financial concerns, occupation and ministry concerns. I can say this morning that I am able to trust him a little more, the pressures of getting good grades are off my shoulders, (I was too consumed). Because I am not paranoid about school more things have opened up. For example this weekend after church David K. and I took 3 of our teens out to native new Yorker and we watched some football together while grubbing. And from there I asked if they would be interested in getting together during the early part of the week to do schoolwork together. We started that last night and it ended up being myself and one other teen. We worked on our school for about an hour and a half, chatting inbetween and then afterwards I used our spare time to share life with him. Talked about things that God has been doing in my life and used that as encouragement for him.
I am so excited for what God is going to do. I have been saying I wanted to do this for so long but never took any action. I really felt the spirit of god during and after we met last night. Even was able to pray for him and the rest of his week. I know God is going to use this to draw more guys in so that we can encourage each other and be Jesus to our peers, co-workers and all that we encounter in our lives.

thank you Jesus for being so faithful, I ask that you would
continue to speak, guide and move.

Sunday, September 17, 2006


Ok I am not going to lie. This past week has not been the easiest. Spiritually there has not been a whole lot going on. It seems as if all I'm doing is soccer and school, and God is not the center. I know God is still with me but I am not running to him. It's because I am letting the stresses of school and soccer get to me. My response to this stress has not been to surrender.
But again I recognize this is going on and from this point its time to keep God in the center.

School is going pretty well. It still is very time consuming especially trying to tackle these sciences that involve (trig. and algebra) which I have not taken in like 6 years!!! This is a setback because I have to work extra hard to remember how to do the math of it yet alone the science. But I am not quitting (have done it in the recent past). There is an understanding now, and I am starting to enjoy studying. ;)

Soccer has been challenging as well. In highschool I struggled with confidence issues and it was very hard playing soccer with this mentality. I would play scared. Afraid to make a mistake, afraid to hurt a little making it hard to have fun.
I am in the middle of battling all of these fears again. It has been very good, but hard. But I am excited because I am not quitting and I see myself growing in this area as well.

God is so good at continuing to give us opportunities to become more mature. Going into this semester I knew I was going to be going through what I'm going through. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but it most definitely is shaping my character. My prayer for next week is to

1. Connect intimately (Put God first above all)
2. Keep a servants heart (away from a selfish mentality)
3. Work hard (in school, soccer) persistence!!!
4. Keep praying for the youth (at Gilbert/of this world)
5. Connect with a couple youth next week. ( "B", "D", )

Friday, September 01, 2006

This is the Story


One thing I have not shared to some. I have both earned and have been blessed to be honored the co-captain position for the Mesa Community College Thunderbird men's
soccer team. The story starts out like this....

The plan was to finish some pre-physical therapy science classes for the 2006-2007 school year. Soccer was not in the front of my mind. I remember thinking about 2 years ago that it would be cool to be eligible to play, but then there was no time. I was both working, going to school, helping out with the youth. Deep down though I wanted a second change. My first year of college in 2001 I was going to try to walk on at the Chandler/Gilbert community college for soccer. But after the first two weeks during the summer before tryouts I chickened out. I was carrying the fear of not being able to handle both full time school and soccer. So I QUIT!!! And that has been a pattern in my life that I still am trying to be healed from. Of course when you back out of something because of fear you regret it and wish that you can get a second chance. Well after 5 years, I got a second chance. It started by talking to my brother about signing up for classes at MCC. I also in the meantime had been saving up money since January of 2006. When thinking about signing up for classes I had a little thought, what if I tried to walk on the team? I could use the money I saved up for the 3 months of the season and work again afterwards.

One thing I didn't mention though was that I tried to get a tryout with the Chandler/Gilbert Soccer team. However, Classes didn't line up and I wasn't able to get my physics class (it just wasn't available). I also had a prophetic dream the night before I tried to work out my school schedule with the soccer schedule. In this dream, it didn't work out. So after this I thought this idea of playing for 1 semester was dead. But it wasn't. So where was I.....

Oh so classes worked out perfectly through MCC. And the ease of things started revealing itself. The day after things not working out at CGCC, I contacted the "new" coach via cell phone (who was in N. Carolina at the time). And at first he said that I probably wouldn't be eligible due to my many years of college. He wasn't going to come back for a couple weeks but the team already were practicing and playing in the mornings at the school. He connected me with them, and I knew my job was to see if I was eligible. It turned out that I was and so I started playing with the guys in the morning. 2 weeks later the head coach comes back and we are into tryouts, and I haven't quit yet. Had tempting thoughts to back out but I knew this was something I needed to help me with my fear and confidence. The week of tryouts happen and the coach is happy with what he see's, and I get a spot on the team. Not only a spot but was recognized as one of two teammates to received a small scholarship, and the co-captain position. Very blessed, thank you Lord for second chances.

But it has been challenging, a lot of old issues has risen. Confidence in myself, fear of making a mistake, silly stuff like that, oh and dealing with teamates who are hard to get along with. But I know God is going to give me victory otherwise I wouldn't have been given a second chance.

Go MCC!!!! Posted by Picasa