Its been Tough
In a way this is letting everyone know what has been going on in my life but it is more of a way to vent out to God how I am feeling. A lot of struggles the past 2 to 3 months. Spiritually I am not there. It is very weird though that God has been using me more than ever before at work and through this small group that I am leading on Friday nights. There have been people greatly blessed by my listening ears, prayers, encouragement, my presence.
But when it comes to my relationship with God, I am not hearing him for me. I am praying in the mornings with my Dad (we carpool to work). But still I don't feel his love. Very unhappy right now. I am trying to fill this void with being with more people but it is not cutting it. I know that man is going to fail us sometimes and God will not but I still keep running to man.
It is so hard for me to sit before the Lord and wait, the mornings are too early to seek him because I am not awake, and in the afternoons because of being down I have been exhausted, a form of depression. Not good. I am so impatient right now when it comes to the things that I don't have.
-Helpmate-
-Career-completion of school
-Out of the parents house-
-money-
-healing of various sins
I have been trying to control my life too much. Way too much effort on my part, getting tired.
One thing that has been very frustrating is that I have a heart for worshiping through music, and want to lead others into worship.
I am currently taking guitar lessons and it has been the most difficult thing right now because God right now is not in it. Very frustrating. I think this is an attempt of the enemy to keep me from progressing, using my gifts, and hearing Gods voice for writing songs. It has not been enjoyable. I'll will admit it. I have temporarily lost the heart of worship.
I am so stuck right now.
God I need a touch from you. A transforming, healing touch. I am not hearing that you love me, and that everything is going to work out. I am getting discouraged that I don't have what it takes to write worship songs for you and share them with others. I don't feel like I have the discipline to seek you, develop guitar skills, have emotionally consistent weeks, consistently keep my body healthy. I have been on a roller coaster ride too long. I'm tired
I need you Lord,
I need to hear you,
I want your peace, joy, excitement
help me Lord
But when it comes to my relationship with God, I am not hearing him for me. I am praying in the mornings with my Dad (we carpool to work). But still I don't feel his love. Very unhappy right now. I am trying to fill this void with being with more people but it is not cutting it. I know that man is going to fail us sometimes and God will not but I still keep running to man.
It is so hard for me to sit before the Lord and wait, the mornings are too early to seek him because I am not awake, and in the afternoons because of being down I have been exhausted, a form of depression. Not good. I am so impatient right now when it comes to the things that I don't have.
-Helpmate-
-Career-completion of school
-Out of the parents house-
-money-
-healing of various sins
I have been trying to control my life too much. Way too much effort on my part, getting tired.
One thing that has been very frustrating is that I have a heart for worshiping through music, and want to lead others into worship.
I am currently taking guitar lessons and it has been the most difficult thing right now because God right now is not in it. Very frustrating. I think this is an attempt of the enemy to keep me from progressing, using my gifts, and hearing Gods voice for writing songs. It has not been enjoyable. I'll will admit it. I have temporarily lost the heart of worship.
I am so stuck right now.
God I need a touch from you. A transforming, healing touch. I am not hearing that you love me, and that everything is going to work out. I am getting discouraged that I don't have what it takes to write worship songs for you and share them with others. I don't feel like I have the discipline to seek you, develop guitar skills, have emotionally consistent weeks, consistently keep my body healthy. I have been on a roller coaster ride too long. I'm tired
I need you Lord,
I need to hear you,
I want your peace, joy, excitement
help me Lord
Brother,
I would like to tell you that I know exactly how you feel, but I can't. I may have been in a place close to where you are, but I have not walked in Your shoes.
Here is something that I believe with all of my heart... I believe that God has a plan for you. Grab your Bible and flip it open to Jeremiah 29:11, read it... meditate on it and memorize it. It is true truth, God knows the plans He has for you.
Guard your heard, brother and have the courage to stand stong on the promises of God.
Lord I agree with my brothers prayers and I would ask you to step in and intervene.
The Commander
Posted by
The Commander |
10:55 PM
Andre, I have experienced this before. Sometimes it's referred to as a wilderness period. I didn't hear God's voice or feel His presence for over 3 months. It was horrible. I was constantly praying and reading His word, I was in Bible college... yet nothing. I think though that was the time that I was used the most. I would go street witnessing and plant and water many seeds that I believe God has brought to harvest. I can see now that it was this period that built my faith. My faith was so week during this time, I thought I lost it... When I went to my evangelism class every week, it gave me more reasons to believe, and it restored my faith... Yet, within a few days, it was gone again. After I made it through this period though, my faith can not be shaken. It is firm, and I have never doubted God's existence again. I hope and pray the same will happen for you.
You need to be careful not to focus on the gifts or the talents that aren't developing right now and focus on the ones that He is building in you. Right now might not be the time for you to lead worship, but it doesn't mean that you never will. You need rest as well. Pray and seek Him to see how He wants to use you. See if maybe is calling you to be a supporter, prayer warrior, listener, and maybe an advisor right now. Know that you don't have to contribute everything, that's why we are a body and we can all bring stuff to the table.
Posted by
Hannah |
7:53 AM